I used to say not just what came to mind casually

happy 2009!

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 00:24:31 GMT

happy new year to everyone.
it's hard to believe that 2009 is finally here.

this is our year. :)

best weekend in a long time.

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 18:42:29 GMT

yesterday was probably my favorite college football experience of my life. in my years at MSU we never won against michigan. and this year has been such an exciting year for our team, and I'm so happy and proud of what they've accomplished. after my interview for the editor position at threshold (more on that in a bit) friday afternoon, I hit the road back to michigan and didn't get home until close to 11pm. yesterday was a long day of driving into ann arbor, parking, finding my older brother's former college roommate's tailgate, spending hours there drinking beer and eating great food and co-existing with some decent michigan alums, and then finally getting into the stadium for the game. I loved our first drive and how hard we worked, even though we had so many chances to build our lead and somehow left many points on the field.
but the fourth quarter was just flipping amazing. all of a sudden the spartan fans were louder, and our team was stronger, and eventually we took over the entire stadium. I got a video of the fans doing the "go green, go white" cheer across the stadium and nothing could be done to block us out. our band was louder and I think by the end of the game, michigan fans had the fight song memorized. it was the best redemption... every awful loss and disappointment... it feels like that whole weight has been lifted. I was so happy to be there with my brothers and amanda, all of us spartans, and have things actually go our way.
although it took hours to get home because we stayed past the end of the game, it was all worth it. it was just plain fantastic.

and today I had another wonderful thing happen.
this past spring I submitted poems to depaul's literary magazine, threshold, and they chose one of my poems for the spring publication. they even had a small reception when the book was released and I did a reading of my poem. well fast-forward to this fall, there were signs up about applying to become an editor of threshold. I've been so busy this quarter taking three classes instead of two, and preparing for confirmation, that I thought it would be crazy to add something else to my plate. well luckily I went to my poetry professor's office hours one afternoon to chat about poetry and life and possibly doing an independent study in the spring... he suggested that I think about applying for the editor position. well, the deadline was the following day, so I had to go home after class that night and prepare my application letter, and then quickly head to campus on friday to drop it off before driving home to michigan. after a couple weeks I ran into one of my other professors at starbucks... he used to be the main advisor for threshold, and let me know that I was going to be hearing about interviews for the following week because they liked my application. fast-forward to this past friday where I had my interview in the afternoon. I was very nervous and had been considering different ideas for the magazine based on the issue I was published in. the interview ended up going really well and I think I truly charmed the pants off of them. I've come to realize how passionate I am about participating in a community of writers and stepping into an editor's role even in my workshop classes.
so I was supposed to be hearing from them early this coming week, but this afternoon I got an email letting me know that I am the co-editor with another girl who is an undergrad at depaul. I am SO excited! everything's going to be happening very quickly but I'm excited and nervous and ready for the challenge. much of the work will begin in the winter and spring quarters. I will even be able to get internship credit in the spring, allowing me to have only one actual class for the spring quarter, which will be wonderful. I'm really excited to see how everything works and see if this is the kind of job for me.

so yeah, definitely one of the best weekends I've had in awhile. and I'm really looking forward to seeing zack this afternoon. with the election he's been very busy and it's tough to see each other on the weekends... and we never get to see each other during the week. winter break can't come quickly enough! :)

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:23:11 GMT

karma's a bitch.

Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN-the-Bottle

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:31:39 GMT



		I will marry zack.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in paris in our fabulous Shack.
		We will have 4 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a green lexus.
		I will spend my days as a writer, and live happily ever after.

engaged... engaged!

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 03:57:57 GMT

so amazingly, ridiculously, out of this world happy.

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 21:55:33 GMT

I feel a confidence today that I haven't felt in a long time.
new bangs, blonder hair, and fabulous skirts half off from the gap might have contributed to this.
and getting messages from my guy who at the moment is in ohio visiting his momma. fourth of july weekend spoiled me, as I had more than four days in a row with him for the first time since school ended.

working at the young author's camp is fantastic. I love my fellow counselors, nolan kelsey and tom, and I know that I wouldn't be having half as much fun if I wasn't working with them. this teaching business is tough, but amazing.

what a fantastic summer so far.

favorite.

Sat, 06 May 2006 12:52:04 GMT

music brings me back.

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 00:19:19 GMT

1. ben folds
2. rufus wainwright
3. joni mitchell
4. barenaked ladies
5. coldplay
6. U2
7. guster
8. the beatles
9. alanis morissette
10. dave matthews band

First song you heard by #6?

it's so hard to say, but probably "with or without you"... although the first album I ever bought of U2 was "all that you can't leave behind"... thankfully, due to my U2-obsessed boyfriend and all-around awareness of all things that are wonderful about Bono and the boys, I have almost all of their music.

Favorite album by #8?

"abbey road". there's nothing like how the songs all blend into each other, especially from "mean mr. mustard" to the end of the album.

Favorite lyric of #5?

tough tough... probably the end of "amsterdam"...

you can say what you mean
but it won’t change a thing
I’m sick of the secrets
stood on the edge, tied to a noose
you came along and you cut me loose
you came along and you cut me loose
you came along and you cut me loose

Amount of times I’ve seen #4 live?

honestly probably about seven or eight times easy... actually I'd probably say ten or more... at least four-six shows at pine knob, one here at msu, once at the 89x show, once for their christmas concert at the masonic, and a good few at the palace...

Favorite song by #7?

"come downstairs and say hello"

Any sad song by #3?

haha... I'd say there are a few... I think "both sides now" just always seems sad after seeing "love actually"

Favorite lyric of #1?

"you have made me smile again, in fact I may be sore from it, it's been awhile"
or "when all words fail she speaks, her mixtape's a masterpiece, walks through the garden so the roses can see..."

Favorite song by #9?

I love "all I really want" because it brings me back to fifth grade/middle school times, especially with the whole harmonica... I remember seeing her for the first time in concert opening up for barenaked ladies a couple summers ago and I was with ilyse and as soon as that song started and she busted out the harmonica it was like time traveling...

I also love, love, love the end of the alternate "you oughta know"... the hidden track part. when my mom and I went to see alanis at masonic temple, she opened up the show singing the song acapella like it is on the album.... I had never listened to it before or realized it was even on that album until doing some searching when I got home... it's so emotional and powerful...

How did you get into #3?

I bought the "blue" album at some point in the middle of high school, and would listen to it every day after school while doing my homework... it was one of those albums that music stores and places like borders would have up front with the other classic albums... I'm not really sure what prompted me to buy it other than that... I'm just glad I did.

Favorite song by #4?

"call and answer", "I'll be that girl"

How many times have I seen #9 live?

twice. the first time opening up for barenaked summer 2004, and then again with jason mraz I believe the winter of 2004. I think the first time was even more fantastic because it was outside and summertime and every song was full band, and the second time was after the re-release of "jagged little pill" came out where everything was acoustic, so it was a bit more mellow. either way, she's amazing.

Good memory concerning #2?

finally getting to see him play the summer of 2004 with ben folds and guster... he was one of the only singers that I loved who I had never seen live, and it was just a wonderful experience... he sang this great version of "hallelujah". rufus also makes me think of cranbrook friends.

Song by #8 that makes you sad?

there's not really a beatles song that makes me sad that I can think of... I think as a rule they make me happy.

Favorite song of #1?

"don't change your plans", "not the same"

How did I become a fan of #10?

my cousins and my older brother and andrea... I think the first song I really remember loving was "satellite". andrea made me love "recently", but specifically the version from live at the red rocks...

I am so looking forward to being home for the summer.
I'm working at cranbrook camp, with nolan no less!
so many friends are going to be in town.
zack will be working but will be coming over on the weekends.

I'm so excited.
how is everyone?

so, winter break.

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 03:56:44 GMT

well this is the first chance I've had to get on the internet on my own computer... and that's after stealing the cable cord from our new desktop DULL computer and connecting it in my room. it's still hard to get used to the idea of break, especially since it seems as though I've been going going going since I've been home.

a lot of that comes from my desire to make presents for almost everyone I know, in my family at least, and it's catching up on me. as it is, the clutch purse I started a month ago for marina probably will not be finished... it's 48 stitches across, basically 3 sets of a 16-stitch cable pattern. it's intricate and turning out amazingly, but after doing just two rows, I'm spent, and I need to go into the knitting store to have them help me finish it up. in any case, I'll try to finish that when I can. I finished the scarf for my four year old nephew Colin, and am in the middle of the scarf for my one year old nephew/godson Brandon. Many of the other gifts for people were bought, which seems really smart in retrospect, but for my two guys, my dad and my zacky, I did some special paintings. My technique was to photoshop a picture of Zack and a picture of myself with the Stamp feature, which turns out similar to what my user icon is for this entry... for my dad I did a picture of Frank Sinatra. I printed out the pictures, and when I had the canvases, I drew the outlines in pencil until the picture seemed just about right, and then it was the slow process of painting each little feature and detail. My dad's was the most difficult because the Frank picture had a lot of little lines and details. I did it last and I love the way it turned out:

the last couple weeks have just been crazy... thankfully I've had this week for present-prep because before that I was bombarded by final papers and exams and packing up. this has probably been the most stressy, down to the wire pre-Christmas I've known in awhile.

luckily, I've been able to see a lot of friends while I've been home. Monday during the day I went to Somerset for Christmas shopping and met up with Nolan, who was two days into his wisdom teeth surgery recovery. Bless that boy's heart for braving the mall in those circumstances. His poor cheeks were swollen and sunken, as I expected they would be. He told me today that he got a dry socket, which I never had to experience after my surgery, and I feel really badly. Hopefully he'll be doing better. Monday night I got together with Sara and Danielle for dinner and our gift exchange. Sara made me one of those fleece tie blankets and I love it, and Danielle got me this great set of three hanging picture frames from urban outfitters. we had a great dinner of matzo ball soup and kugel at steve's deli. It was so nice to see Sara, and I'm really glad she's coming back to State this semester.

Tuesday turned into Cranbrook day. Kyle's back from her semester in London, and we had talked about seeing RENT together. We were able to get Carolyn and Laura and Becka to come to dinner and see the movie. Afterwards I had everyone except Becka who had plans after the movie over to the house for a sleepover. We played cranium and scene-it and updated each other on life and loves and relived moments from middle school and high school and it was really nice. I have known and been friends with those three girls since sixth grade, and when you count that out it's a little over nine years. I just turned twenty, which means I've known the friends I've kept since sixth grade for almost half of my life. it's pretty amazing. Laura and I of course had boyfriend talk and I always enjoy that. we ended up staying awake really late talking about all sorts of things.
I told her that I realized I'm actually glad, in retrospect, that I didn't get a boyfriend in high school. and, especially, that I didn't go to a prom with a boyfriend. because my prom memories are so fantastic and I can't imagine having to look back and have those wretched feelings towards that ex in the pictures. I am so glad I didn't ditch James as a prom date because someone wanted me to, so we could go together. because he ended things before prom, and I ended up looking wonderful with my big handsome ex-cranbrook student hockey player and had a fabulous time. I am so glad I have those memories, and memories of high school that revolve more around my friendships and accomplishments. plus, having a boyfriend in college means sleepovers are much easier to pull off, and it doesn't matter when that phone rings at 2am, and I don't need to be dropped off, and I love it.
the other thing I love about it, is just that it has nothing to do with high school, where everyone knew everyone. he's completely disconnected from that whole phenomenon and it's fabulous.
I love coming back into my old home life with my tried and true blue friends because it's comfortable and easy and yet I have such wonderful new things and feelings and thoughts to talk about with them. I have experiences and adventures to share. I missed them a lot.

what you see when you arrive at the mall right when it opens at 9am two days before Christmas Eve...

plenty of senior citizen groups powerwalking, some even with weights around their wrists. I also powerwalk through the mall, although the weights are usually my purse and shopping bags.

a line a mile long to see Santa... and the parents probably thought they were being so smart by dragging themselves to the mall at such an early time.

a million open parking spaces... never in my years of going to Somerset have I seen such a sight.

the only reason why I went there so early was because I had a lot to do today at home and I didn't even want to imagine the hassle of dealing with the mall in the afternoon. going early was practically painless...I grabbed myself a caribou coffee for the first time in ages, got a great parking spot, bought some wonderful things at williams sonoma for zack's parents, and went to the north side for fishnets at vicky's secret. I stopped into Steve Madden in the vain hope of finding the perfect shoe for Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve... and I actually found them.

they essentially look like this, same color, same leather, but they are peep-toe instead. they make me easily six feet tall, but I think I can handle it. they look perfect with the dress I got from Banana for C. Eve, and especially with the dress I got from H & M in Paris and never thought I'd wear it... the H & M dress was made for this New Year's... at Atlantis, the theme for their party is the 70s. If only ABBA could have a reunion concert and be the entertainment that night. in any case, it'll be nothing short of amazing.

so the shopping trip was successful. I also went to Target for some extra wrapping paper, tags, and other essentials. my wrapping is about 80% done, which is fabulous. I'm so happy with how my shopping/making has turned out, especially the paintings because they were an experimental project that could have failed miserably.

I've missed my zacky a lot too this week. it was sixteen months as of yesterday, sweet sixteen, and we had to spend it apart. the good news is that he's coming into town tomorrow to spend the night and half of Christmas Eve with me. Because he has to split time between his two families for the holiday, it worked out best to see him for as long as possible, even if that meant it would be a day early and only part of Christmas Eve. In any case, I'm excited to see him asap, and we'll have a week together in paradise starting the 28th.
I'm excited to see what he's come up with for me for Christmas this year. I don't know how he'll be able to top the storybook he had published by Apple through iPhoto about how we met and started dating and the accompanying soundtrack that basically chronicled the musical aspect of our friendship -> relationship. I just hope he loves his gifts and knows how wonderful he is...
okay, enough lovey dovey.

I'll probably knit some more of my nephew's scarf... after making two scarves for little necks I don't know how I'll regain the patience to make long ones for adult-people again.

only one more sleep 'til zacky.
and only two more sleeps 'til the Christmas fun starts.

tomorrow night, I shall watch the muppet christmas carol, my favorite christmas movie, and zack's personal favorite, it's a wonderful life.

indeed.

PS

hooray for my christmas dress on sale from banana.

imagine it in teal green.

I'm a dork, and a procrastinator.

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 21:56:52 GMT

took my women in lit english final this afternoon... besides the writer's cramp from writing four short essays, it wasn't bad at all. and I'm glad I didn't buy all of the books because I honestly didn't need them in the end. why read when your prof tells the class everything that happens and what pages and what themes to look out for. not spending time on those books this semester gave me the chance to work on a million little pieces anyway. at least I was reading...

all that stands in my way of that fabulous feeling where everything is completely finished is a take home essay for my media studies english class that I'll have to turn in tomorrow between 12:45-2:45... that lovely window of time really tempts me to only get half of it done tonight and finish it up tomorrow in true me fashion, but I think I really just want to finish it and have tomorrow morning completely free for coffee, reading, knitting, whatever the hell i feel like because I'll be DONE. hopefully that is motivation enough to get this thing done... as it is it's about 1.5 pages single-spaced... I love typing out papers single-spaced and then changing it every so often to see how long it really is... it's dorky but I definitely feel like I've written more when I do that. this take home has to be a minimum of 2-3 pages... so as long as I get to that target, everything else can just be extra in my mind... as it is, my final paper turned out to be 7 pages instead of the assigned 4-5. maybe he'll excuse my end-of-semester laziness because of that. he's a cool dude anyway. he's this younger guy and gets to show movies like "vanilla sky" in his class and have us read the graphic novel "watchmen" and he wrote this book of short stories that was required for the class and in his author picture he's wearing this detective-like hat and sunglasses and he's smirking like a goof and I love it. he told us he went through a phase where he only wore jeans and black t-shirts every single day for a year. love him.

"love the hair, love the shoes, love everything, love you" oh rupert.

so I'm just going to keep on doing these surveys because they're frivilous and silly and if I actually focused on writing my paper for more than two hours I'd scare myself.

Three names I go by:
1. stef
2. stefy [ by my parents, zack's dad and little sisters]
3. moishe

Three screen names I have had:
1. mocha54321 - first AOL screen name version 2.0 represent!
2. msfozziebr - "miss fozzie bear"... when AOL was scum and only allowed 10 letters/numbers
3. Oo koalablue oO - I heard on tv somewhere that koala blue was the name of a store olivia newton john owned. I loved the sound of it. sue me, I was in middle school.

Three physical things I like about myself: (eh..)
1. freckles
2. my greek skin
3. lips

Three parts of my heritage:
1. 25% greek
2. 25% french
3. 25% macedonian

Three things that scare me:
1. the dark
2. my parents dying
3. "the shining"

Three of my favorite musical artists:
1. coldplay
2. iron & wine
3. nick drake

Three things I want in a relationship:
1. laughing
2. lots of kisses
3. devotion

Three of my favorite hobbies:
1. KNITTING
2. reading talked-about books
3. finding songs on limewire / itunes

Three things I want to do really badly now:
1. go home for break
2. go back to London
3. knit instead of writing my paper

Three careers I've considered:
1. magazine editor
2. paramedic (only when I was seven and obsessed with watching rescue 911... that idea has since fizzled)
3. princess

Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. greece
2. italy
3. new york city

Three kids' names I like:
1. like I'd reveal that.
2. I don't want to end up like charlotte with a stolen shayla situation.
3. pft.

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. have a fantastic wedding
2. make cute babies
3. meet sarah jessica parker

Three celebrity crushes:
1. michael caine
2. sarah jessica parker
3. john cusack

look who comes running back to livejournal.

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 02:15:10 GMT

I feel as though I always made time for livejournal entries but things like checking the gossip on people.com and obsessively looking at facebook stuff have completely ruined most chances of expressing whatever on here. plus it's probably been one of the craziest end-of-semester semesters and there's so much work to be done. and of course, livejournal is fantastic at being such wonderful procrastination.

I don't know, thanksgiving break was nice, yadda yadda, I'm in the middle of exam week now, yadda yadda. the crazy exam schedulers I guess think it's natural to schedule an exam from 8pm-10pm, as was my astronomy exam last night, but at least I didn't get that time on friday. I think it's pretty clear from my less than stellar performance in that lecture class that I cannot handle large lecture classes where almost the entire grade is based on three multiple choice exams, and I'm much better suited at taking english classes and waiting until the night before to write my papers. I love how Mary Kate Olsen somewhat explained her reasons for leaving NYU by saying that she prefers to... well, here's the exact quote: "I need to be able to go to yoga and work out and just read scripts and go on auditions, because that's what makes me happy. You know? Like, papers don't really make me happy."
yeah, MK. I think it's safe to say that papers don't make anyone happy. Just like I'm not too happy about having to write out a paper as a take-home final for one of my english classes...

The AFI released their top 10 films of the year and I've seen seven of them... and the only reason why I haven't seen the other three is because they haven't been released yet... brokeback mountain, king kong, and munich, respectively. without a doubt, I think I saw more movies this year than any other year... it's a little crazy. the past couple weeks I've avoided any crazy mainstream stuff and have instead seen some indie gems, among others. the last five films I've seen are syriana, the squid and the whale, pride and prejudice, good night and good luck, and capote.
oh, I did see RENT over Thanksgiving break too... I can't say enough about how mucho disappointed I was with it. I know, it's RENT and it's fantastic and the show is amazing and the songs are great but the movie, blah. Dialogue where it should have been sung, the stupid desert sequence with Roger during "in america" that looked more like the "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" video... Angel did his thing. I was still incredibly moved during the reprise of "I'll cover you", my favorite song from the show... but man, what a disappointment.

I'm so ready for break. Who isn't, honestly. I miss knitting in the comfy library room with the fire going, I miss late nights at java hutt scouting out a spot on the couches with cranbrook friends I haven't seen all semester. I miss driving more than 25mph wherever I go. I have a feeling it'll be an amazing Christmas and we'll have a wonderful vacation and it'll be the best New Year's Eve I've ever had because I will have my love to kiss at midnight.
I cannot wait.

now, some silly survey meme things because you know you want to know.

1. My username is pinkpinkmoon because it is from a song by nick drake and it is one of my all-time favorites.
2. My journal is titled I used to say not just what came to mind casually because it is part of a lyric from the jump little children song "secrets"
3. My subtitle is but all those things that no one else could ever know of me because it is the second part of the lyric. I think it reflects the nature of a journal...I'm lame
4. My friends page is called little pretty things because it reminds me of the rufus wainwright song.
5. My default userpic is sandy and danny dancing in the gym scene from "grease" because john travolta in pink is fantastic, and so is the movie.

itunes on random, the usual shebang with a twist...
I'm doing this on my powerbook, so I don't have all of my music on here.
in any case, there's still a good amount of representation...
some of these turned out to be so fitting!

Where do you live: northern sky - nick drake
Describe your first love: the beautiful occupation - travis
What is your favourite thing to do: living in your letters - dashboard confessional
Describe your current love/crush: don't stop til you get enough - michael jackson
What do you like to wear: love you madly - cake
What is your challenge: please forgive me - david gray
Who are your friends: pretty woman - roy orbison
Describe how you look: lebanese blonde - thievery corporation
What did you do last night: so much to say - dave matthews band
What is your goal in life: with or without you - U2
What do you do when you're angry: the best deceptions - dashboard confessional
When do you have sex: late - ben folds
How do you want to die: at the zoo - simon and garfunkel I love it!
What do you say to your parents: don't panic - coldplay
Where do you hang out: migration - jimmy buffett
What do you think of society: cry freedom - dave matthews band
Describe your most recent heartbreak: no such thing - john mayer haha!
What is your excuse for everything: dinner at eight - rufus wainwright
What are your thoughts on a Friday evening: moondance - van morrison
What is your unanswered question about life: light my fire - the doors
What is your favourite colour: everything else - howie day
What is your advice to the those less experienced: the good fight - dashboard confessional
What would you rather do right now: learn to live with what you are - ben folds (this could have been so good for the one above)
Describe your best friend: shade of a shadow - teitur
What's under your bed: volcano - damien rice
What is your most prized possession: philosophy - ben folds five
Where will you honeymoon: santa monica - everclear
What is on your to-do list: innocent - our lady peace
Where would you rather be: hello city - barenaked ladies

also very sad about the fact that howie day has released yet ANOTHER version of "she says" which has been playing on the terrible radio station here that only plays "gold digger" and "my humps". it is so over produced and terrible.
and I bought his first album after sophomore year in high school and that was my song I put on every mix I made for someone. it's depressing that all of these teenage chicks are going to swoon over him now.
I hate being a music elitist because they make me mad, but howie day makes me even madder.

ah, there's the winter.

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 13:38:12 GMT

well after stretching out that glorious summer/fall of 2005 for weeks beyond its normal capabilities, Michigan has now surrendered and the inevitable has come.... shitty, cold, damp weather. there's the November I used to know. the combination of this weather, the increasing lack of interest in my classes, and obsession with knitting everyone I know scarves for the holidays has left me wanting to go into hibernation mode. that, and last night zack got me oprah's 20th anniversary dvd set. it's glorious. her commentary between the clips is so human and honest and really, really funny. I could have spent all night watching every single disc, but when it got to be almost midnight, I figured it was time to call it a day.

more than two years ago I left for school and put a quote from a song on my old journal. that song single-handedly best explains how I felt and now feel about that guy and the whole situation. other songs have come and gone and they do a pretty good job of narrating it ( "my favorite mistake" and ari hest's "I forgive you", respectively) but whenever this song comes on my iTunes I just listen to the lyrics and it's fantastically real for me. it's almost embarassing to admit what it is because now I've built it up and I can imagine the response would be, "really?...hm, that song?" but what can I say, it speaks to me. "the power of goodbye" by madonna.

I'll put the lyrics behind a cut...
the only reason why I even thought about it was that it came on this morning. and as to not devote too much time to that cause, moving on...

my windows are almost shuddering. I can hear them shift every time there's a huge ugly gust of wind and it doesn't exactly make me desperate to spend the smaller part of seven hours walking around campus to and from my three classes. or spend the better part of seven hours sitting in long classes instead of a fotress of blankets and pillows.

the thing I love about being an English major is that I'm so jaded by the volume of papers I have to write in a given semester that it's become easier to churn out those pages the night before. maybe not essentially easier, but for example, I had to write a three+ page paper for my career class and I was able to do it in an hour or two. the topic was pretty easy (myself and the obsession with magazines and wanting to be an editor) but the thing that's amazing is that three pages just isn't that daunting to me. four or five pages isn't daunting either... over the weekend I wrote a four+ page paper for my english media studies class about the graphic novel Watchmen. I'm not really looking forward to another year and a half of writing papers, but it's much more appealing than science or math or anything in that area.

my cousin Alexis is getting married on Saturday. the first of the five Spiro girls. I got an amazing chocolate brown dress with my mom from Neimans and I'm getting my hair done that morning. I know the wedding will be fabulous, especially because it's the first wedding I'm going to with Zacky. I haven't been to that many weddings before... the last one was my older brother's wedding, and I definitely didn't have a date for that. I'm excited that the whole wedding boom is going to start happening in the next couple years. I love my older brother's group of friends from college. They are all married and married the girls they dated when they were at MSU and there was a wedding boom that happened about four-five years ago, and now they all have their first children. I think it's lovely that they are still friends after college, and they're all growing up together, experiencing each milestone at the same time.

finally, there are some good films out. we went to see "good night, and good luck" two weeks ago when we were at my house, and saw "capote" this last weekend with zack's mom and stepdad. both were excellent, and ever since "the talented mr. ripley" I've loved phillip seymour hoffman. it was great to see him shine in a leading role. I'm still dying to see: "the squid and the whale", "RENT", "the family stone", "shopgirl"... hopefully I can catch up with some of these over thanksgiving break. which cannot come soon enough, by the way.

I suppose I should get ready for class.
I'm sure it's a problem that I'm already cold and I'm not even outside yet...
oh wednesdays.

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no

You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that something's wrong
I pray to God that it won't be long

Walk away
There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power than the power of good-bye

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken I loved you so
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress

There's nothing left to lose
There's no more heart to bruise
There's no greater power than the power of good-bye

Learn to say good-bye
I yearn to say good-bye

There's nothing left to try
There's no more places to hide
There's no greater power than the power of good-bye
There's nothing left to lose
There's no more heart to bruise
There's no greater power than the power of good-bye

good/bad

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 16:20:46 GMT

good: I taught myself how to knit-purl using the usually illegible instructions/pictures online.

bad: I burned my shoulder on my new straightening iron.

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 14:06:36 GMT

I don't know why it took so long to figure this out but between getting an email back from Atoosa Rubenstein from Seventeen and researching magazine editors for my career class, I think I just need to be in New York.

now it's collegehumor war.

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 15:00:47 GMT

she has no fur coat, no blonde hair... the richie doesn't have long hair...

VS.

in the fight between tenenbaums featured on collegehumor, I have to say we take the cake.

halloween 2005.

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 15:50:49 GMT

I really want to get the chance to write out the events of the weekend, including the most fun football game I've been to, mostly because it was the end of october and I was wearing a t-shirt, and halloween debauchery and all of that stuff, but the beginning of this week is going to be crazy-busy.
I also want to get some of the pictures taken last night when we went over to zack's dad's house to see his sisters, seven and three, trick-or-treating. SO cute.

but for now, here's something that completely made my day.
and if you haven't seen this pic yet on facebook, here we are on halloween!

http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/1622941/

I can't believe they put us on there! :)

and holy wow november, where did you come from?

scary stuff

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 22:05:14 GMT

last night I was watching this special on E! that talked about serial killers including the BTK killer and Jack the Ripper, and it even showed footage of the BTK killer talking about different killings in court and what was so eerie about the whole thing was that he spoke with such nonchalance about the nastiest, most evil things. It was a bad idea to watch this right before going to bed because I ended up having the most vivid and terrible nightmare I've had in forever. Some parts are lost now but I remember it somehow involved this guy who was delivering pizza or something at my house and I let him in even though I had this weird feeling about it. I barely remember the attack, but somehow I remember being in a room that was mine, laying on a bed with my legs up, and suddenly being attacked. Then I remember the aftermath. I was wearing this white t-shirt and standing upstairs in this corner by a closet, and looking in a mirror. I started clawing at everything and writing all over the walls and the mirror and my clothes and this hat I was wearing and it was all of these swear words and terrible phrases. I went downstairs all disheveled, knowing that someone would judge me by how I looked and what was written all over me. A woman downstairs gave me this look and she made a comment to my aunt Carolyn who is my doctor about how I looked and what I was saying. My aunt Carolyn told her that I had terets and that it was completely typical in someone who had been through what I had been through. I remember breaking down every couple of minutes, shaking and sobbing and recalling the events. Somehow I wasn't exactly injured but the whole thing had messed with my mind. When I tried to talk about details of it, my parents would ignore me and walk out of the room. The only other part I can remember is that I'd be with Zack and he would somehow unintentially do something that reminded me of the attacker and what happened, even little things like touching my hand or looking a certain way. It was like I had all of these terrible memories in my head and I kept thinking that I will spend the rest of my life being haunted by what happened.
I woke up to zack's cd alarm and him getting out of bed. My nightmare had been so insanely real that it took me a couple minutes to realize it was just a dream. I told him about everything in my dream and even as I talked about it I was getting scared and almost started to cry.
it's so crazy because I don't even remember the details of being attacked in my dream, but it was just so intense and emotionally damaging in its aftermath that it really messed with me this morning.

I didn't mean to freak anyone out and usually I don't write about my dreams but this one was just.. I don't even know.
it scared me a lot.

iron & wine is the perfect complement to a quiet wednesday morning.

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 13:22:52 GMT

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

CONSIDER: The Loverboy

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: zackyisallmine

class was cancelled for this morning, and the career class I ususally have in the afternoon on wednesdays was cancelled for this week because we are having conferences with her... and mine is tomorrow. so today, instead of having three classes, I only have one :)

this past weekend was amazing on many counts, and I feel like a chump for trying to drudge everything up now that it's the middle of the week...
friday night we saw ellzabethtown and here's what I have to say about it. I really, really liked it. the critics really didn't like it at all. if you're a fan of cameron crowe and just love how obsessed he is with music like I do, then I think you'd like the movie. it's a mess of a movie, but it all comes together somehow. and I want that red hat kirsten wears...

saturday night we saw SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY. what a show. it was simply amazing... I think my favorite song he played was either "she came in through the bathroom window" or "got to get you into my life". and the wings songs were great too. he's just so fabulous. and it's fun to go to a concert with my parents and stand next to my dad and sing the songs and have that connection. and of course zacky was just on air. great, great night. I've been listening to his new album obsessively.

lately I've just been a knitting, reading monster. I'm still reading david sedaris, although I think I could probably finish it more quickly if I didn't only read it in between classes. and I'm really loving my new scarf project... it's the widest I've ever made a scarf, and it's two kinds of yarn... one really supersoft gray yarn and the other is kind of a rosy-purple color... very soft and very pretty... you can't help but love cheap fabulous yarn from meijer and target.

listen to paul's "jenny wren". it's so good.

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 23:38:59 GMT

when I assume it most definitely makes an ass out of me.

my fabulous saturday.

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 22:05:36 GMT

let's break it down, shall we?

so my older brother sean is taking classes here on saturdays because he is switching into the business management world, and usually my sister in law marina comes with him for the day. we made plans to get together last week after the u of m game, so after some phone tag and confusion marina was on her way to my apartment for our day out. we drove over to eastwood and got coffee at starbucks and had this amazing conversation about relationships and finding people early and how her brother's first girlfriend was stephanie ( I know, marina has two sister in law's named stef(ph)anie... ) and he married her.. that was just it for him. and I talked about how I look at other people's photos from london and how a lot of the other girls in my program were out and about and went clubbing and to all of the pubs and she stopped me and said "those girls would trade the pictures they have with the ones you have in a second", and it reminded me about how all of the girls on the trip who had boyfriends would find out zack was in london with me and say how jealous they were about it. marina's just amazing to talk to... sometimes I think everyone just loses perspective when they are too wrapped up in their situations and it just takes that one person from the outside to be able to see everything. our conversations travelled with us through different stores and I just feel as though it was some wonderful bonding time. she told me how wonderful she knows zack is for me and how she can tell from the way he listens to me when I'm speaking and is attentive and respectful. she said that there is so much love there. and she's completely right... these things aren't new to me. but it's amazing to hear someone else tell me that she can see it...
around 1:00 sean was finished with class so we went to pick him up and then went right back to eastwood for lunch at the irish pub. zacky met us there, and we had a really great lunch. afterwards sean and marina left to go back home, and zack drove us back to my apartment to wait for sara and nolan. sara got there pretty early but nolan told us he wouldn't be heading up for a little while, so we decided to drive to meridian mall to walk around for a little while.

(all of the 'silly' details of this next explanation will make sense and all come together in a fabulous ending)

so I bought that coat from the GAP a couple weeks ago, the tweed trench with the fur collar, and I haven't really been able to wear it since I bought it because of michigan's insano weather. well it was in the 40s and I was cold earlier with marina when I didn't wear a jacket, so I decided what the hell, I'll wear it. I also had on a black GAP sweater and my long and lean jeans. when we walked into the mall through marshall fields, the alarm went off.... another backtrack....... lately, for some reason, I have been setting off the alarm at barnes and nobles and urban outfitters, I mean, when I'm walking into the store... and it's just plain annoying and embarrassing... I think it's because of this pair of shoes I got in london, or my sunglasses, because whenever I have them on, it happens........ SO anyway, we cut through marshall fields and walk out to get into the mall, and the alarm goes off again... no one really made fuss either time, but I knew that I would have to walk back through the store twice again when we were leaving.....

we walk into the GAP and the alarm goes off. I'm just immune to it at this point... so one of the guys working there is asking me if I just recently bought that coat, and I said yes, and he said that they sewed a sensor thing into a tag on the coat and that's probably why I'm going off. so we look for it and sure enough it's right there, and I ask him if he can cut it off for me and he goes to get some scissors and I'm explaining how I've already gone off twice and thank goodness that's the reason why because it was getting ridic. so he cuts the tag off and I resume my perusal of the fabulous GAP with sara. zack's looking on the guy's side. after checking out the back for sales, I go back up near the front to look at the new corduroy coats that I think are really cute...

then a woman who works there starts walking up near us and says "oh I just love that coat, I really need to get it before it's gone"
me: "I know, I love it too, I'm just sad because it's on super-sale now and I paid full price for it"
woman: "when did you get it, recently?" I nod. "do you have the receipt?"
me: "no no, I know, I wish I had it so I could just do a little switcheroo and whatnot... it's okay though. Do you remember those big bags from a couple years ago in the spring, the ones that are just in that GAP khaki (she's nodding) and there was one that was green? Well I didn't get it right away even though I loved it because I thought it would go on sale at some point and then it was just gone! and it made me so mad at myself.."
woman: "oh I know, those things just disappear"
me: "so yeah, if I really, really like something from the GAP, sometimes it's just better to get it when it's there"
we sort of stop talking for a minute and she gives me a look over.
woman: "look at you, you are all GAP-ed out, why don't you work here?"
me: "I don't know, why don't I work here?!" (honestly, I would die to work there. like zack later said, I could pretty much just direct-deposit my paycheck into the register because that's where all of the money would go)
woman: "I don't know! are you a student? here, do you want an application? do you live in an apartment? could you work during the holiday time?"

I am feeling so overwhelmed and excited by these prospects but I know myself and I know my mom and there's no way she'd let me miss being home around the holidays. and I wouldn't want to miss it... plus, we're probably going out of town between christmas and new year's....
I explain these things to her... or at least, just simply the fact that I'm going out of town.

me: "well what about the spring and everything?"
woman: "well I can't really say at this point but it's too bad that you can't work the holidays... honestly, talk to your mom and find out if you'll really be out of town because I was ready to hire you right now. my name is megan by the way, I am the store manager"

OH MY GOODNESS.

me: "hi I'm stefanie, it's really good to meet you... well I love the GAP and I would really love to work here... my apartment is right down grand river, and look, I'm wearing my long and leans and this sweater from last year.."
megan: "yes I noticed!"
me: "... and look I need to show you my keys, I have all of these GAP keychains..."
megan: "oh yes let me see, which ones do you have?"

this situation was ridiculously ideal. I was bonding with the manager at the GAP.

so she tells me to check in with her around the spring and we'll see what could work out... it would be fabulous if I could work there during the spring, because if it really goes well, I could live in the apartment here during the summertime and keep the job throughout the year....

I was just stunned. it was amazing because I had been thinking of stopping in there and asking for an application one day, but I knew it would just be impossible to get the job... you have to think a lot of people want to work there, especially with the amazing discounts... and megan, the store manager, comes up to me and as a GAP person herself, realizes the extent of my love for the GAP, and offers me a job right there. It's almost like when I'm at hollister getting something for zack and the girl at the register says to some dude, "hey, are you sixteen? you need a job?" subtext "you're hot and look not-too-bright and you should work here so you can make the mere mortals feel bad about themselves".... only it's much better. because it's the GAP.

when were leaving the store, I looked back and saw megan and we waved goodbye. haha.

I'll edit later to discuss mr. rufus wainwright's amazing concert last night.

take five on a friday.

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 04:23:30 GMT

tagged by nick...

five songs I can't get enough of right now

"trapeze swinger" -- iron & wine
"learning to fly" -- tom petty and the heartbreakers
"the art teacher" -- rufus wainwright
"miss sarajevo" -- U2
"a message" -- coldplay

I won't tag people...I just like to make top five lists.

also, tonight I went to see dave brubeck play at wharton. it was so low key and amazing. the entire day in fact was low key and amazing. I bought a pumpkin and magazines, a grande latte at beaners, chicken noodle soup from panera bread, and chilled out at zack's waiting for the art van guy to come and set up the legs on his new ottoman. I had soup and knitted and read magazines and it was just a slow, quiet, peaceful nothing of a day. I made spaghetti for us for dinner. then we went with his mom to see dave brubeck and it was this quiet jazzy evening... the thing about completely instrumental concerts though is that I can't shut my mind off and pay attention to it... I thought of a million things... of seeing rufus wainwright tomorrow night, and what my life was like when I saw him two summers ago, and how worried I was about kicking the seat in front of me with my pointy black isaac mizrahi target shoes that were such a bargain, and how my gum was losing its taste, and the new tattoo I really want to get, and how tonight will be only the second or third time I'll be sleeping by myself since I've been up at school because zack's mom is in town for the weekend, and how I wish I could teleport my scarf collection and orange coat here so I'd be better equipped for this fall that's suddenly upon us...

zack and I go through television episodes on DVD phases like crazy. we were on a wonder years kick for awhile, but that has since taken a backseat to curb your enthusiasm, which is beyond brilliant. although, whenever I watch an HBO show and hear that fuzzy TV noise, I always expect to hear the sex and the city theme song... alas, we're just getting into the second season now. oh how I love thee, larry david.

I think it's amazing that people like dave brubeck and the woman who opened up for him can seem so frail and have difficulty speaking (they are 80-something and almost 90-something, respectively) but when they play the piano it is like they are twenty-somethings. the female musician had difficulty remembering the names of the pieces they were going to play but she had such spunk and wit when she spoke to the audience and could nail every note to every song. they were both adorable and amazing musicians.

and my goodness, I am so cold.

what I've been doing in my classes the past couple days.

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 20:27:28 GMT

last week wednesday there was an article in the state news about bob dylan and on the front there was a big black and white artsy picture of him... very sparse, almost photoshop-esque... not even sure how to describe it. in any case, it seemed like trying to re-draw this picture was a good way to pass the time in my english classes that day, so I started with some of the outlining... I left the paper in my notebook and forgot about it all weekend, as there were more important events at hand (birthday, u of m game... yes I'm sad about it but what an amazing game nonetheless...)... and so today I rediscovered my half-finished masterpiece in the making and decided to let it accompany me today, in case I got completely bored in one of my classes... sure enough, I worked on it a lot during my afternoon class, and just now, back at the apartment, I finished it off...
so here's the final product...
I know it's not amazing but the entire project consumed my time today and I'm proud of it.

the original in the newspaper:

and my notebook creation.

I don't think I'll be quitting my day job though.

birthday eve.

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 21:17:25 GMT

I walked around all day today never taking a moment to stop and think that today was/is my last day as a teenager.

happiness is...

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 12:45:41 GMT

finding a cd mix I made back in high school and listening to it on the way back to my apartment...

...and hearing "bubbly toes" for the first time in I don't know how long...

...and remembering all the words, even the really fast parts...

the thing is, I'm notorious for not labeling my mix cds, at least the ones that I make for myself. I have all of these mixes that get thrown around and lost for forever and somehow they just surface at the right moments. and I have some of the best memories attached to these mixes, driving up and down woodward avenue and beyond, just waiting to see what song was next. the mix I found yesterday ranges from songs like "golden year" by david bowie to "break me" by custom, "someone to dance with" by michael penn to "every other time" by lfo (it's so bad it's good), and by track 13 when it seems like there's a bit of a rut in the flow of things, there is "if I ever lose my faith in you" by sting. and it's like musical CPR. and usually the windows are open and there's a summer breeze and by the end of the cd there's "she says" by howie day but the original version, not the one he butchered on his latest cd. and there's a hollow in the echo of his voice and it reminds me of years ago in high school, which is such a strange statement to make, when this was one of my absolutely favorite songs and I put it on every mix I made for someone and when I bought the album in las vegas during a high school summer.

I'm turning 20 in two days and I feel really weird about it. It sounds weird but I've sort of made my young age my own novelty... it's just fun when people assume I'm older and I tell them I'm actually a lot younger than that. There's definitely a connotation to the teen ages. They just sound young. It seems like we should all be put together as an age group but really, I can't stand 13 year olds these days... I can't even stand high school seniors. I drove through Birmingham saturday night to get dinner with zack and I felt so incredibly old. I feel like going "bah humbug get out of my way you little brats... by the way, stop with the sequin bags already". From this standpoint, I feel like I'm totally ready to just get past that age group and become this twenty-something with business lunches, my steady boyfriend and bills to pay. But it's still all too weird. Is is completely pathetic or crazy to go through a quarter-life crisis?
I might as well be going from 19 to 70, between my Jeopardy obsession and my early bed time.

Something that's made me happy is making additions to my room here. I bought some posters the other day, one black and white of Marilyn looking very lovely and one of Audrey from Breakfast at Tiffany's. They compliment the black and white French calendar photos I put in two rows over my bed. They are having a poster sale now on campus in the Union, buy one poster get the second 50% off, so I got a Lost in Translation poster with Scarlett in the bottom corner and the rest is a shot of downtown Tokyo. It's definitely my little Shabby Chic / ode to Marilyn and beautiful old-Hollywood people sanctuary.

I have my Sky Test today for Astronomy Lab where we have to identify different stars, constellations, deep sky objects, etc in the Planetarium. It may be one of the only times in my college career where I am absolutely certain that I know everything there is to know, and will get a 4.0.

rediscovering iron & wine. and I am calm.

posting is better than lecture... new specs!

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 15:45:32 GMT

my new sexy specs from SEE.
..thanks to sara for picking them out :)

and because maria tagged me....

List Ten Things that Make You Happy

1.) listening to the first mix zack ever made me
2.) my little nephews and pseudo little sisters
3.) driving up and down woodward with a good cd mix and my favorite passengers
4.) seeing a movie I couldn't wait to see and loving it more than I thought I would
5.) the first day of the year when I can wear sandals and a skirt
6.) going to the concert of one of my favorite bands/singers
7.) buying yarn for knitting/crocheting
8.) getting great deals at the GAP.
9.) black and white photography, especially pictures of marilyn monroe
10.) this picture: